The Sandwich Generation – when you care for your own kids and your ageing parents at the same time

The Introduction - Meet Margaret - she's Sandwiched

I recently spoke with a lady (let’s call her Margaret for the sake of this story) whose 73 year old mother was struggling with health issues that had come on quite suddenly.  Margaret’s Mum still lives at home independently; her husband had died 6 years earlier.  Margaret shared with me that she was pretty overwhelmed, firstly about how to go about convincing her Mum that her health was impacting her ability to function at home and secondly, on where to go for assistance. She also was worried, about her Mum's safety and felt guilty that she was not able tp provide more support.

Margaret is the primary sibling caregiver for her Mum; her 2 brothers live interstate/overseas. She has 3 kids under 10 and is also a Director of a company.  She said she doesn’t feel like she can even juggle her own family and job, let alone now having to deal with her Mum.  I shared with Margaret, that she is living the reality that is the ’sandwich generation’.  "What’s that?", she asked. It is the generation who care for ageing parents whilst also caring for their own children. 

Demographic shifts have caused Margaret to be one of many, Margaret had her children in her late 30’s and early 40’s and her Mum is still alive and kicking, but has a few hurdles to independence at the moment.

A Quote from Generation Sandwich:
 I just found it emulates beautifully Margaret’s situation: http://www.sandwichgeneration.com/,

“I became involved very suddenly in my parents daily care and life in 1991. My mother was 85 at the time and my father 90. The family was completely unprepared to deal with the many legal, financial and emotional issues. There was little information to guide me. Little to help me deal with my roller coaster emotions. Little to help me deal with sandwich generation role reversal scenarios. Or having to make decisions for my very independent parents.”

So, what to do? 
Well we are pretty lucky in Australia, there are a bundle of services (that are part federally, part state funded) available to people over the age of 65. First each case is assessed (by an ACAT team), and then offered varying levels of assistance based on the results of the assessment. However, what I know via my work at Functional Living, is this system is already under strain and will become more so in coming years as Australian’s population age and the number of allied health professionals and trained carers diminishes (see Productivity Commissions Draft report Caring for Older Australians; http://www.pc.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0011/104879/aged-care-draft.pdf).

And even now, Aged Care Assessment Teams (ACAT) Intake staff will almost certainly triage Margaret’s Mum’s needs at the point of referral, and place Margaret’s Mum on the “More than 14 days” response time list, as there is no real immediate threat to Margaret’s Mum’s health and wellbeing. Margaret’s guess is that her Mum would do a pretty good job of convincing an ACAT team that she is “just fine” and doesn’t need their help at all.

Does Extra Care for Mum/Dad benefit their wellbeing?
At Functional Living we propose this question also: what if getting Margaret Mum extra care actually results in greater dependence and has a negative impact on her health and wellbeing?

And, what solutions can be provided to continue to promote independence?  At Functional Living, we are really interested in your thoughts on this.